The day I bought that car, I knew what I was going to do with it: I was going to fit my entire life into it, and I was going to drive it a very long way, all by myself.
Right after I let my mom talk me into a variety of cheesy poses, of [...]
When a small child you have never met
picks up her foot to step off a curb
and into rush-hour traffic
approximately thirty feet from where you are sitting,
right now,
idly drinking your iced coffee
and letting the pattern of the metal patio chair beneath you
imprint itself onto your thighs,
and you look up from your newspaper just in time
to see [...]
Jeff and I are in Madrid. Yes, my ex-husband and I went to Madrid together. Many potentially fascinating theories could explain this odd development, but here, let me save you the trouble: we are in Spain together simply because we both wanted to go to Spain.
I keep thinking of this elephant I met, once.
The collection below essentially amounts to what happens when an agnostic attempts to articulate her own personal prayer beads into words. I stop, I kneel, I clutch them, and I let them slip through my fingers, one by one, all while muttering these sorts of things at myself.
And then I go out into the [...]
When I was a teenager, we used to play the Blanket Game at parties. It goes like this:
1. Throw a blanket over someone.
2. Tell them to take off something they don’t need and hand it over to you.
3. Keep accepting socks, watches, hats, and clothing from them until they take off the predetermined correct item.
Guess [...]
1. She’s flat-out terrified.
2. She has no game whatsoever. This girl not only fails to remember to wear hot underwear, but she will also strike up a conversation while perched on your toilet (just to PEE, of course—she’s still a lady). She may also discuss her cycles with you, regardless of whether you happen to [...]