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Category Archives: Best of

Best of

Types of Personal Ads: A Reference Guide

PRETENDING TO BE TOO COOL FOR PERSONAL ADS BUT PROBABLY JUST LAZY I am too amazing and complex to be summed up in paragraphs so I won’t even try. You should similarly recognize the futility of this exercise and just message me, hopefully with considerably more effort than I just exerted. ALMOST COMICALLY INDISTINGUISHABLE FROM […]

I love you.

“My love of [you] is in me, moving in my heart, changing chambers, like something poured from hand to hand, to be weighed and then reweighed.” –Sharon Olds, “High School Senior” I build the version of you that I love inside of me, even though you’re right in front of me. I think everyone does, […]

The stages of divorce: Collect ‘em all!

THE DENIAL STAGE When my ex-husband, Jeff, and I moved to St. Louis, he knew I was unhappy with the decor of our house, but money, of course, did not grow on trees. Except that year, it did, because he cashed in some investments and spent hours twist-tying money to a festive little potted tree. […]

Some divorce advice, from me to you.

FOR THE DATING/ENGAGED Don’t marry anyone you wouldn’t feel comfortable divorcing. If the love of your life plays the victim, if they hate all of their exes, if they say nasty things about people they used to date, there is a very good chance that person will do the same to you someday, should you […]

All stereotypes aside, I doubt HE remembers ME.

I keep thinking of this elephant I met, once. I was standing on a curb in Bangkok, just minding my own business, waiting to cross the street, as one does every day without encountering any elephants. But when I turned my head, there he was, inches from my face—either a baby or some sort of […]

On this, the first day of my new life: Things I have learned. Am trying to learn. Have learned, but forget. Will never learn.

The collection below essentially amounts to what happens when an agnostic attempts to articulate her own personal prayer beads into words. I stop, I kneel, I clutch them, and I let them slip through my fingers, one by one, all while muttering these sorts of things at myself. And then I go out into the […]