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Some divorce advice, from me to you.

FOR THE DATING/ENGAGED

Don’t marry anyone you wouldn’t feel comfortable divorcing. If the love of your life plays the victim, if they hate all of their exes, if they say nasty things about people they used to date, there is a very good chance that person will do the same to you someday, should you find yourselves on the wrong side of some very alarming statistics. As you walk down the aisle, if you can’t count on a romantic future together, you can at least count on a romantic future that doesn’t involve property damage, the spiteful withholding of pets and/or children, and restraining orders filed on behalf of the overdramatic.

Plus, anytime anyone asks about your ex and how it’s going, you can say, “Oh, he/she is great. A++++++++, would divorce again.” Oh, come on, that’s funny.

Because it’s like eBay? Get it? Nevermind.

FOR THE HAPPILY MARRIED

Have your own friends. Have your own bank account. Have your own life. Investing in your marriage does not mean you can’t continue to invest in yourself as well. The people in your own individual social circle, the ones who belong to you as an individual, may very well wind up carrying your couch up three flights of stairs. Couches are heavy, man. Make some friends.

Don’t ditch your family just because you’re working on your own family now. If things don’t work out, your family will assemble a mean kitchen island for you, and your dad will hang your shelves. (If you did ignore them, say you’re sorry and that you’re so thankful they’re here. If you do it sincerely enough, they might buy you something. I’m just saying.)

FOR THE UNHAPPILY MARRIED

Do what you can to fix it, obviously. Obviously.

FYI: Your horror at the idea of “becoming a statistic” reveals your perception that you are somehow better than everyone else—that you assumed yourself immune to the sorts of problems that have plagued half the married population. Your desire to not become THAT PERSON, the person who gets divorced, is revealing an elitism in you that you still don’t see, not yet.

Guess what? Turns out that you are not that special, and neither was your relationship, no matter how much you enjoyed conceptualizing it as a fairy tale (I’m looking at you, psychobrides). Mmmm, humble pie! It’s delicious! When you’re done chewing, decide what you would do if everyone you knew died of the swine flu tomorrow and thus there was no one around to see what happened next. Then do that.

FOR THE DIVORCING

It’s no one’s business; feel free to tell them so. This doesn’t make you rude; they were rude to ask. Well, unless “So, are you guys still sleeping together?” doesn’t count as a rude question in your book even when it comes from your smarmy boss—in which case, I have some likeminded people I’d like to introduce you to. Maybe they’ll start conversing with you instead of me.

Cheesy music can really cheer you up. The cheesier, the better, really. Let Destiny’s Child offer you a strong moral message while also providing a beat to dance to in your new apartment. Note that your pets will not, in fact, throw their hands up at you, even if you entreat them to do so. Technically, they are not independent women, so I suppose this makes sense.

Try to let people help you, if they’re able. You have your pride, yes, but you are only one person, and there is a lot to do. Don’t worry—divorce is really common. Surely you’ll have your chance to pay it back in some way, for someone, later on down the road.

You have to do what’s best for you, as an individual. Nothing I’m about to say trumps that. Don’t lose sight of what you need. Don’t compromise your future out of guilt or a sense of obligation. Your greatest responsibility is to yourself (along with any children you might have). The ability to look out for yourself is not something admirable or special. It is your basic duty and yours alone. There is a difference between caring and vulnerability. Focus on the former.

Don’t let anyone tell you that you’re weak if you still love your ex. Hate is weak—and, paradoxically, hate is also exhausting and consuming. If you choose to do it this way, if you choose to love, be aware that some activities, like yelling your heart out to fuck-you anthems on the radio, will lose their fun. But the ability to give your ex a heartfelt hug the next time you see them will be worth it. No one is suggesting that the two of you become golf partners, but any civility you can manage is only going to help you in the future.

Don’t let anyone shame you for maintaining a friendship with your ex. If people handled rejection better and learned to stop butthurt in its tracks before they slashed anyone’s tires, maybe they would grasp that it’s a little absurd to become mortal enemies with someone you once called your best friend. This is your life; this person was once your most important thing; the two of you are adults and may do as you please. Don’t follow social protocol just because the inability to fit the two of you into a box makes everyone else uncomfortable. They’ll get over it. Upon saying hello to the two of you at a party, they’ll also get a sort of deer-in-the-headlights look as they mentally review how the extent to which they trashed your ex to everyone you know. It’s probably a little wrong to visibly savor this, so at least try to feign ignorance.

If you left them, have some patience. That probably hurt. A lot. No one in that kind of pain can be expected to behave well all the time. Maintain your boundaries, but do it as gently as you’re able.

If they left you, think about whether you really would have wanted them to continue the relationship out of guilt or obligation. Contemplate the far-out notion that they are rejecting what happens when the two of you combine your strengths and weaknesses, not rejecting you in your entirety as a human being. Blasphemy, I know.

It takes two, of course. Be the bigger person, but grasp that you can’t keep this situation friendly by yourself. Practice due diligence, turn the other cheek, and then drag the asshole to court if that’s what you have to do. (I hope for your sake that it isn’t; I have worked at a law firm, and I can tell you with certainty that no one will win.) If your ex is hateful toward you, do your best not to escalate the situation. You would be surprised how often, if you offer the benefit of the doubt, the other person will say, “I’m sorry. I’m just feeling hurt and upset right now, and I’m not thinking clearly.” If they don’t, perhaps you failed to follow the first piece of advice in this post. Ah well. Just do what you can.

No matter how you play it, the two of you will have bad days. You had bad days when you were together, too. It happens.

Even if you wish no further contact with your ex, treating them maliciously is a waste of everyone’s time. You won’t feel better, and they won’t miraculously develop an appreciation for your side of the story. That whole maxim about the flies and the honey? Remember it. Even if you’re motivated entirely by your own self-interests, cruelty is a poor choice; it’s honestly just lousy strategy.

Don’t let anyone reduce your marriage to a mistake. People want it to have been a mistake because they have determined their own current marriages to be not-mistakes. The concept of a marriage that was doomed from the start is designed to protect them, not you; in precious few cases is it really that simple. Tell anyone who tries to wave off an entire era of your life with one dismissive gesture that you wouldn’t change a thing. It might help to point out that you used to ride around in first-class suites to places like Bangkok and New Zealand (and, in fact, thanks to a generous ex, still CAN ride around in first-class suites to places like Bangkok and New Zealand). If such privileges were not in your marriage arsenal, I assume you’ll come up with something.

If you can’t say that you wouldn’t change a thing because it’s not really true, try to get to a point where you realize that it actually is true. The past few months or years are a part of who you are. Surely you learned SOMETHING, accomplished SOMETHING, experienced SOMETHING worthwhile during that time. Don’t wish yourself away.

You could always just not say anything, of course. Don’t feel pressured to defend yourself or your marriage. People can think what they want; what you think is more important. If you have a little time, though, it would be nice if you could share some insights, if only for the benefit of the next divorcing person to come along.

Resist the temptation to reduce your own marriage to a mistake. Hindsight is not, in fact, 20/20, and I can cite research to prove it. Your demise as a couple will seem so obvious in retrospect; recognize that this is false, a cognitive trick designed to protect your ego. Celebrate what was good. Don’t cling to it, but celebrate it. Perfection is not a prerequisite for something to be real and true in its own way. Nor is longevity.

While you’re celebrating all that good, don’t forget that it ended for a reason. This stuff generally doesn’t happen on its own. People don’t get into a fight over something inconsequential, like who ate the last bagel, get carried away, and oops, they’re divorced. Rejoice the good parts all you want, but don’t forget why you’re where you are. I mean, you’re going to feel like a total jackass if you have to divorce the same person twice.

Recognize that appreciating the good will make the whole deal a little sadder. Tossing aside your emotional armor can be painful, but some wounds need to hurt longer to heal well. If you wait a little longer to climb back onto your feet, it may save you years of limping around. Hot damn, that’s profound. Write that shit down.

Feel free to claim that you were a victim from the first date onward, as long as you don’t mind having this exact same relationship over again with someone else. If you’re looking for something a little different though, if only for the sake of variety, it might be best to acknowledge your role as a willing participant in the partnership. If you married your father/mother and your father/mother sucked, or if the two of you exhibited codependent behaviors of any kind, now would be a fantastic time to look into that.

Say you’re sorry. Ask to be forgiven. Forgive the other person if you can. Forgive yourself while you’re at it.

You will feel better sooner than you think. I promise.

FOR PEOPLE WHO KNOW A DIVORCING PERSON

Say it with me: “I will not assume.”

Don’t take anything personally, even if “anything” includes nine unanswered e-mails and the forgetting of your birthday. Sorry.

Be supportive. Let them decide whether they want to talk about it. Forgive wild fluctuations in emotion and opinion. One day your divorcing friend will want to be a forest ranger! The next day, a nun! One day, your divorcing friend is totally fine, and over the whole thing! The next day, whoops, still depressed. Nod, smile, and be patient. Let them work it out.

This will probably take longer than you think it should. Don’t make a sad person feel guilty or self-indulgent for being sad after whichever calendar date you have deemed appropriate. Otherwise, remorse will bite you in the ass when it’s your turn. Lo, trust this blogger regarding that of which she speaks, for she has learned the hard way.

FOR COMPLETE STRANGERS WHO MAY BE UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO ENCOUNTER A DIVORCING PERSON

Sometimes people kick things in public while cursing under their breath. Try not to judge them.

FOR THE HAPPILY DIVORCED

First of all, congratulations. That certainly wasn’t easy, was it?

Invest in yourself. Think. Read. Learn. You stand at a joint in your trajectory; flex it, experiment. Take advantage; you have little to lose. If you need a little courage or inspiration, read this book. Get excited; you now have the keys to an entire realm of possibility. Who are you? Who do you want to be?

If you want to meet somebody, be somebody worth meeting. Burn that wick at both ends by following your own interests and doing something with yourself: not only will you meet people who share your common traits, but you will also care less about whether you meet someone in the first place … seeing as how you went out and got yourself a fulfilling life and all.

There’s a reason you find a relationship the moment you stop looking for one; being okay on your own is the best way to attract healthy people.

Feel free to have a whore phase. I salute you! Please use a condom, though. You aren’t in Kansas anymore, and some of the flying monkeys, while in possession of an enviable level of energy, flexibility, and skill, also have herpes. Other than that, knock yourself out. You’ll probably learn something, and if you don’t, I assure you that once or twice, something will happen that is hilarious enough to cause at least one of your girlfriends to shoot beer out of her nose.

Speaking of which, be patient with your parents. They’re adjusting too, mostly to the fact that you’re a slut.

When the REAL dating begins, take it slow. You’re in no hurry. Avoid the impatient, the aggressive. Be honest with yourself and with the other person in terms of what you can handle. If they decide they want more than you can offer, don’t take it personally, and resist the urge to make promises you can’t keep.

If you do meet someone special, via sluttery or otherwise, go back to the beginning of this post. I can’t promise it’s going to work out any better this time, but it can still be okay. In fact, it can still be better than okay. No future is certain, but the fact remains that there are still countries you haven’t visited. There is still so much to see. Enjoy your life, and do it with someone you care about, and the regret you’re so afraid of will be impossible, even if you wind up getting divorced nine times. Which … okay, you should probably try not to do that, but, you know, whatever. It’s not a contest, and it’s not the end of the world.

FOR EVERYONE

Be brave. Be kind. Take care. Good luck.

51 Comments

  1. Bethany wrote:

    You are so wise, Jen. That sounds snarky, but I mean it completely sincerely. I desperately needed to read this today. And last week, and the week before that, and tomorrow, and the day after that…and, well, you get the idea.

    Saturday, October 10, 2009 at 1:55 pm | Permalink
  2. san wrote:

    Seems like you know what you’re talking about. Thanks for this post.

    Saturday, October 10, 2009 at 2:31 pm | Permalink
  3. Julie wrote:

    Thank you so, so much for this post. It is just what I need right now. So true! So wise!

    Sunday, October 11, 2009 at 7:16 am | Permalink
  4. sam wrote:

    Amen to the whore phase! Skank it up! :)

    Sunday, October 11, 2009 at 9:10 am | Permalink
  5. Ern wrote:

    Word.
    Also? I heart you.
    Also? I have found it better if my parents don’t know I’m a slut. It’s enough that my roommates know.

    Sunday, October 11, 2009 at 4:54 pm | Permalink
  6. Helen wrote:

    Fully agree. Thanks for writing this!
    Adding, there’s no time limit to how long some will wonder what went wrong or make assumptions and ask you about it. I mean, you’re still friends, so why?
    Even after 4 years your grandma will wonder about it. Just get used to it. Sometimes the reason isn’t specific.

    Monday, October 12, 2009 at 12:20 am | Permalink
  7. This was so brilliant. I want to print it out and paper my walls with it. It’s like if Desiderata was rewritten in 2009 by YOU.

    Thursday, October 22, 2009 at 10:39 am | Permalink
  8. Kerri wrote:

    I did indeed print this out and paper at least one wall with it. More like a mirror. But, still. Thank you.

    Monday, October 26, 2009 at 7:28 pm | Permalink
  9. Loralee wrote:

    God, I love you. I wrote about my divorce for THE first time today. (Most people have no idea I was previously married)
    and it has no way to touch this.

    xo

    Tuesday, October 27, 2009 at 1:54 pm | Permalink
  10. Forget that other guy, you need the nobel peace prize.

    Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 4:12 pm | Permalink
  11. MFA Mama wrote:

    Seriously good writing. Wow. Amen to ALL of that.

    Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 4:23 pm | Permalink
  12. ~beth wrote:

    This post is B-R-I-L-L-I-A-N-T!

    Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 7:09 pm | Permalink
  13. Hilly wrote:

    Amen amen amen! It’s been six months since my separation and holy crap, I am sitting here nodding and applauding like a crazy woman!

    Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 7:25 pm | Permalink
  14. Avitable wrote:

    Wow – this post was amazing.

    Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 7:37 pm | Permalink
  15. Brilliant. On every level.

    Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 8:00 pm | Permalink
  16. Nanna wrote:

    Wow, this is so good, and so kind.

    Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 8:36 pm | Permalink
  17. ADW wrote:

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

    Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 8:42 pm | Permalink
  18. Pop and Ice wrote:

    “Oh, he/she is great. A++++++++, would divorce again.” I took awhile, but I finally got there. Plus we managed to attend parent-teacher conferences together (Ex, Me, Current Hubby) which tickled the teachers pink. Made things so much easier.

    Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 9:55 pm | Permalink
  19. Zoeyjane wrote:

    Completely, awesomely well done.

    Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 10:09 pm | Permalink
  20. stacy O wrote:

    I agree with it all….Me and my ex got divorced nicely..had our own relationships. NEVER used the kids against eachother…re-connected in Feb..as more than exs and re-married in July. Mainly because we had a “nice” divorce….

    Friday, October 30, 2009 at 4:58 am | Permalink
  21. Muskrat wrote:

    glad i found you through avitable’s tweet!

    Friday, October 30, 2009 at 6:06 am | Permalink
  22. Well :) its a nice piece of thought you shared with us, its very inspirational… thanks alot!!

    Friday, November 6, 2009 at 2:39 am | Permalink
  23. BBrooks wrote:

    Awesome. Great stuff – I may have to print this out & frame it; I will certainly share it with lots of friends. I’m just divorced, trying to do it the longer, more painful but ultimately more healing way, and it is good to have that affirmed. Most people are just confused, even if slightly admiring. Keep writing!

    Friday, November 6, 2009 at 8:26 am | Permalink
  24. MEP wrote:

    It’s easy to tell who’s happily married and who’s not when you discuss your divorce with them. I feel like happily married people are genuinely dismayed by the news, and concerned. The unhappys are affronted and judgmental, and usually obviously jealous. It’s not too hard to tell when the only thing holding someone’s marriage together is laziness, or fear of failure, or the comfort of familar dysfunction.

    Sunday, November 22, 2009 at 6:36 am | Permalink
  25. muzikjock wrote:

    I love this post. I have been apart for nearly 5 years, divorce finally finished. I have to tell you that everything said in here is not only the truth, but beneficial. I have only one difference of opinion on one concept. “If your ex is hateful toward you, do your best not to escalate the situation. You would be surprised how often, if you offer the benefit of the doubt, the other person will say, “I’m sorry.” I have never heard any apology for anything, even blatant wrongs were not recognized…This posting is assuming all things are equal and you are dealing with someone that has all their marbles intact. I don’t live to make someone’s life miserable and quite honestly also don’t live my life to antagonize anyone purposely. I stay to myself, choose to do so, and I am quite content doing so. But I also will not own any retaliation from someone for just being me. I am not responsible for my ex’s behavior in any way, and I will not own any of the fault for the way she reacts to anything I do. quite frankly if I stand on my head, I will be doing it wrong.For that I will in no way own any of her behavior. She will have to address her own. I wouldn’t own the fires she created while we were married and I certainly won’t own them after. Finally I am free to be me, and I owe no one any apology for it. Its wonderful. When you’ve made the mistake of joining yourself to a sociopath, perhaps then and only then you can identify. This post doesn’t assume you are dealing with a sick person. In general though, everything in here is great advice.

    Sunday, November 29, 2009 at 8:57 pm | Permalink
  26. Jen wrote:

    MJ, I certainly don’t expect anyone to blame themselves for someone else’s actions. As I acknowledge in the post, it takes two, and you have to grasp that you can’t keep it friendly by yourself. I also acknowledge in the post that if you married a crazy person, you’re kind of screwed.

    Believe me, I have plenty of experience with crazy ex-spouses, even if I don’t happen to have one myself. I used to do divorces for a living!

    I absolutely agree that anything crazy your ex does is not your fault; I was in no way claiming that you are responsible for such things. You’re right that this post does not assume you’re dealing with a crazy person, because … well, what advice is there for that, besides inventing a time machine and marrying someone who isn’t a psychopath? It would sort of defeat the purpose of the post.

    At any rate, it sounds as if you’re doing well now—congrats!

    Monday, November 30, 2009 at 1:38 am | Permalink
  27. Glenn wrote:

    I’m just about to start divorce proceedings, today I felt really down and sad about the whole sititaion… I just read the ‘For the Divorcing’ section and the line “Hot damn, that’s profound. Write that shit down.” but made me laugh for the first time in a while! thanks for that, even if the advice goes in one ear and out the other I am sat here smiling for the first time in a while! Thanks!

    Tuesday, December 1, 2009 at 4:55 am | Permalink
  28. Issa wrote:

    Just read this three times. Want to applaud you. Or hug you. Or send everyone I know this post. Maybe all three.

    Sorry…will try not to get all stalkerish. Am only three weeks into my, uh seperation I guess.

    Tuesday, January 19, 2010 at 3:00 pm | Permalink
  29. Ed wrote:

    What a good read this was….I wish I had written it myself, but Jen…you were so much more expressive. It was sortive a “what have I learned from this” experiance reading your post. Very..very good indeed

    Friday, March 26, 2010 at 1:45 pm | Permalink
  30. What a wonderful post! Thank you for sharing that. I wonder if you would mind if I saved this and offered it to clients that are divorcing, with due credit to you of course.

    Think it over.

    Dawn Binkowski,
    Psychotherapist

    Thursday, April 8, 2010 at 5:23 pm | Permalink
  31. jack wrote:

    I read this twice. It certainly wasn’t helpful.

    Friday, April 9, 2010 at 11:04 am | Permalink
  32. Hope James wrote:

    The 2 things I would like to add are that the opposite of love is not hate it is indifference and if you can reach that then it is truly over, and of coarse there are things that are unforgivable hence indifference.

    Saturday, August 28, 2010 at 10:49 am | Permalink
  33. lovin4nuttin wrote:

    I really enjoyed this especially the first part because it is so true about people who talk about their ex’s…good sign not to get involved. thanks for sharing your thoughts

    Friday, September 3, 2010 at 9:17 am | Permalink
  34. Kari wrote:

    Profound. Inspirational. Wise. Thank you for helping me by sharing your POV. The first time I read this, I thought, “I wish I had come across this while I was going through my divorce”. But now that I have read it for the tenth time, I understand that it simply wouldn’t have held the same meaning to me that it does today. Thank you for reminding me that good can come out of some of the most difficult situations.

    Tuesday, September 14, 2010 at 7:42 pm | Permalink
  35. Jennasta wrote:

    And for those who can not escape their marriage because their spouse goes absolutely wild bonkers mad and will kill himself or possibly you and has already convinced more than half the people you guys know,you are the bad guy….what then? And your last three family members are 1. alcholic 2. alcholic and 3. bornagain fundamentalist. What the hell do you do then? Well written by the way.

    Friday, September 17, 2010 at 8:29 am | Permalink
  36. Jennasta wrote:

    Adendum – I know I picked him, he is getting off marajuana which he hid from me 4 times daily for 14 years, and is getting help, I care a great deal about him, but I will never feel comfortable again after his nervous breakdown daily abuse of me for a 3 month period and …we have kids, …who love their dad and think I’m keeping him away at his mom’s.
    I am Stuck. I believe he will always lie and be able to blow at any moment. I chose him, I know. I saw his attitude creep right back last week. He hates me and crazily loves me.

    Friday, September 17, 2010 at 8:37 am | Permalink
  37. Steven wrote:

    Thank you. You just confirmed my strategy. I just got divorced this summer. I left my wife, and she went crazy and tried to destroy every relationship in my life from my mother to my job. I never got angry or vengeful because I knew that she was going through a lot of shit, and, like you say, was just recently my best friend and most important part of my life. My friends wanted me to have her arrested, vandalize her house, etc…, but after a week or so, she calmed down, apologized, and now we’re almost friends, but at least can wave and smile at each other when we meet on campus.

    Saturday, October 2, 2010 at 1:17 pm | Permalink
  38. Megan wrote:

    I wish this had been available to me when I divorced (1991) I had to learn all this by trial and error lots of errors. Thanks

    Saturday, October 23, 2010 at 7:10 pm | Permalink
  39. Martha wrote:

    Great job – I can relate to everything. Even to MJ as I know that side too. There are so many circumstance that can compound the problems, includng mental illness, pyschopaths, lawyers, substance abuse, violence.. I could go on forever.

    I like that the author did not dwell on the extremes, but stuck to the things we all have in common. It can be hard to find reason to laugh when you are going through it – but thanks for succeeding!!

    Friday, November 26, 2010 at 9:43 pm | Permalink
  40. kathleen wrote:

    i’m verrrry late to this partypost, but i love it all the same.

    Saturday, December 11, 2010 at 12:12 pm | Permalink
  41. sarah wrote:

    Just found your blog and this post – I wish i’d had this when I left my exhusband last October, instead of a chorus of friends who convinced me i’d been abused, convinced me to get a restraining order. Months later, I was at least able to drop the restraining order and apologize for a few of my more grevious sins.

    Anyway, thank you. Our divorce just went through in May, but maybe in time we’ll be friendly, maybe even friends.

    Monday, August 1, 2011 at 11:18 am | Permalink
  42. Angelica wrote:

    I just found your blog through a link to your most recent post. I enjoyed that post and wanted to read some more so I decided to start at the beginning. Wow, this post is very timely and feels like you are writing from my life. Thank you for so eloquently describing the situation from all sides. I am now adding you to my reader so I can read from the beginning.

    Tuesday, August 16, 2011 at 12:18 am | Permalink
  43. dee wrote:

    You think so clearly and beautifully. And just-in-timely. Thank you.

    Saturday, August 20, 2011 at 11:13 pm | Permalink
  44. Jenny wrote:

    Wow…I’m amazed in reading this! So many of the emotions and thoughts I experienced in my divorce captured..I thought it was just me. Glad to know it’s not. Thank you very much for this..

    Thursday, September 1, 2011 at 1:04 am | Permalink
  45. Mary wrote:

    Can’t say that I read every word…but what I read helped. I’ve been blind sided and am still so in love w/ him – but I refuse to be a victim. We were married for 10 years…how can someone walk away from that? sigh…

    Thursday, September 29, 2011 at 7:31 pm | Permalink
  46. Kris wrote:

    Thank you for this article. You write beautifully and, I think, truthfully. Having just been left by my spouse of 40 years, I’m still in shock and unable to benefit right now from your advice. However, I expect it will roll around in my head for awhile and be available when I need it.
    Do keep writing!

    Tuesday, October 25, 2011 at 9:30 pm | Permalink
  47. Swistle wrote:

    I love this.

    Sunday, February 5, 2012 at 6:33 am | Permalink
  48. sweetney wrote:

    I’m buying that book. :)

    Tuesday, February 7, 2012 at 7:01 am | Permalink
  49. Jane in Pa wrote:

    Wow- so much worthwhile stuff!

    Saturday, February 18, 2012 at 1:37 pm | Permalink
  50. eva wrote:

    That was brilliant and hilarious and you are AWESOME.

    Sunday, February 19, 2012 at 5:23 pm | Permalink
  51. Nancy wrote:

    Amen. Brilliant. Thank you.

    Tuesday, February 21, 2012 at 1:28 pm | Permalink

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  1. The Trephine › The stages of divorce: Collect ‘em all! on Tuesday, November 3, 2009 at 2:19 am

    [...] why I wrote this post: because I have gotten so many heartbreaking e-mails since I wrote that list of divorce advice. I really didn’t expect that, considering that I’ve been blogging for about four [...]